Secrets to be friends of your children
 Encouraging your child to talk to you is not easy, it needs considerable devotion of parents. Once you have established the foundation, dialogues will come as easily as a habit.
The secret here is finding the most suitable time and place for you and your child even when you are bathing for him or together folding clothes.
You also have to make sure you don’t make regular mistakes when talking to child such as:
Pretend to listen while actually you are very busy with other works: Life is full of distraction, but your child is worth being cared for. If you cannot give your 10-year-old girl some time she deserves, let her know you are busy. She can be disappointed but less than if you pretend to listen while going to and from in the house with loads of works. When you choose this solution, there’s one small notice: suggest about a mother-and-child conversation at another time of day. If you miss that opportunity, you can cause the child to think a talk with her is less important than your priorities.
Interrupt child before he finishes talking: You must surely have ever been interrupted; all that they care is making you stop talking. Therefore, do not impose on your child. Doing so may makes him discontinue talking to you.
Give conclusion before having enough information: When the child reports about a scratch on your brand-new car, you are sure to at once conclude that it’s the child who caused that scratch. The only good thing you can do is to show repentance and apologize.
Can not understand what child does not tell: Sometimes the child never tells all “important” things in the conversation with you. If he ignores important details, not answer questions or seems to hide something…then they are signals to let you know you have to stop … vegetables right away and put all your mind to listen to him.
Get angry with child because you don’t like what he says: There is one way to slam the door to conversation between parents and children, that is get angry at the child because you don’t like what he tells. Maybe he only talks endlessly that the teacher is unfair, and he hates school…You should be sympathetic with the child’s feeling, wait until he calms down again and gives out his own solutions.
Don’t regard for what seems to be important with child but trifling with you. You ought to remember child’s problem is just as important with them as ours with us.
Ask too many no-where questions: If you ask a series of questions in order for child to “re-perform” what happened then it seems you have fallen into investigation. You can build a conversation with fewer questions, or simply just “what’s then?”
The challenge is in that you must know when to keep silent and when to talk. This is not an easy game as it has the tendency to change when child grows up. For teenagers, some questions can make them silent but for little child, you have to ask to the very end.
Giving out half-way advices: You can urgently want to give advices when your child describes the difficulties he faces at school or at home. Yet, you’d better postpone those advices until he asks. You must encourage him to think on his own; create opportunities for him to solve problems by himself. You have stolen this chance if hurriedly giving out suggestions instead of listening.
Lecture the child: Remember how you stopped listening when you parents switched to a “lesson” mode. Thus, instead of making your child practice ignorance, why don’t you put away severe “lessons” and give out temperate and concise points; without the monotonous harmony of an “anesthetic doctor”.
|
